Good Parenting Skills

Parenting is massive task.  How many of us are born with good parenting skills?  Believe it of not — most of us are!  It comes naturally… there’s an unexpected sense of familiarity about the whole thing.   But what do we do when we are stretched to the limit and we’re faced with an unexpected challenge?  Re-wind the family tree a little and you’ll find new parents surrounded by experienced mothers, grandparents, uncles and aunts, all living practically next door, or at least in the same town.  These days a child leaves home and relocates to a different planet it seems.  Visiting at Christmas time requires a travel itinerary as long as your arm.  So we rely on books, internet and movies more than ever to equip us with good parenting skills.  Nothing wrong with that!  There are many fantastic resources for parents out there, and I encourage you to make the most of it.

Ask for help

If you are lucky enough to have your own parents/grandparents living nearby – make the most of it.  Pick their brains as much and often as possible.  Remember they raised you, and you turned out pretty darn good…. If your parents live out of town you can still get them on the phone, or better still use skype.

Consistency

Experts agree that consistent parenting is fundamentally important.  Being consistent create a secure environment for your child.  It means doing what you say you’re going to do and acting consistently so your child knows what to expect.

Have a plan

Think through your parenting approach.  Write it down.  Decide on your methods of discipline and how you will implement them.  Make time to spend with your kids.  Plan family outings and holidays.  The old saying goes… if you fail to plan – you plan to fail.

Expectations

Communicate your expectations in a way your child can understand.  Have simple rules that everyone can remember and be consistent.

Role Model

How often have you heard a child say, “When I grow up, I want to be just like my Dad!”  How often have you heard a parent say “Do as I say, not as I do.”  You don’t have to be the sharpest tool in the shed to figure out that these two statements are not compatible.  Your kids are going to model their lives on yours, and the worst part is that they seem to emulate your bad habits far better that your good ones.

Encouragment

Someone wise once said that we don’t live on bread alone – sometimes we need a little buttering up.  This is especially true for children.  Some days it may be hard to muster an encouraging word but it is worth the effort.

Stay Calm

You can never take yourself to seriously as as parent.  You can have all the good parenting skills in the world, but staying calm will take you the farthest.  In any situation, your response will set the scene and show your children how to react.

Comments anyone?

In this article I have briefly touched on some of the basic skills for good parenting.  I’d love to hear your suggestions as well.  What would you add to this?  What’s your parenting ‘motto‘?  click here to add a comment.

So you’re ready to teach your child to ride a bike? Firstly make sure you’re child is ready. All too often an over zealous mum or dad decides that little Johnny is old enough to face the two-wheeler challenge and sends him off on his own. As he picks up enough speed to outrun a police pursuit, then collides into a rosebush, they’re thinking “maybe it’s not such a great idea!”

The first step is to be well prepared. Give your child plenty of time riding a tricycle or a bike with training wheels. He or she will learn valuable skills such as pedaling, steering and avoiding obstacles.Only when these skills have been well mastered should you consider removing the training wheels. There’s no point forcing your child to ride a two-wheeler before they want to. Some kids will be chomping at the bit to get their training wheels off while others are quite happy to journey about with them on for years. Typically most children are ready to be unleashed from their training wheels between three to six years of age.

Ready to start? Make sure you have a suitably sized bike. Your child should be able to sit comfortably on the seat with both feet flat on the ground. Get an approved safety helmet and insist that it is worn – every time. Find a nice grassy area with a gentle slope and plenty of space. You will need to steady your child by holding onto the back of the seat. There are various attachments available for this purpose to make your life easier.Start out at a brisk walking pace – any slower and it’s difficult for the child to maintain balance…. too fast and you’ll get left behind! Don’t worry about pedaling to start with. Just focus on teaching your child to keep their balance, traveling in more or less a straight line. Give your child plenty of encouragement and let them know you won’t let go without telling them. It’s very important for your child’s confidence that they can trust you. If you say you’re holding on – make sure you are! Trust me… you don’t want to be accused by a 4 year old of causing them to tip off.

When you can see your child’s balance is improving you can let them know you will be letting go briefly. Still be prepared at all times to steady them if necessary. Remind them each time you stop to put their feet down.It’s easy to forget when you’re used to riding with training wheels! Don’t rush your child and push them beyond where they are comfortable. It may take some time for them to get the hang of staying upright. If they have had enough at any stage – continue with the lesson tomorrow.

Moving on. Remember patience and plenty of encouragement is the key to a successful learning experience. When your child can successfully maintain balance by themselves its time to introduce using the pedals. If your child has mastered this on a tricycle it should be a simple matter. When taking off from a standstill have the pedal in the two ‘o’clock position. This will maximize the initial acceleration and quickly reach a speed where balancing is easier.

The final stage is to introduce turning and braking. For most kids this will follow on naturally once they are confident going solo in a straight line. As always, be there to steady them if necessary and offer plenty of encouragement.

Practice makes perfect. The best way to improve at any skill is to practice. And then practice some more! Kids are great at this because once they are confident at riding their bikes, they’ll spend so much time on them that you’ll have to surgically remove them when its time for dinner. Before you know it they’ll be asking for a bigger bike for christmas!….

Table manners are an important skill we learn in life – They allow us to interact with others successfully in many situations.

Your objective for the little people in your household may be simply to keep the food in the general vicinity of the dining table (and away from the walls and ceiling), or it may be to fine tune your children into maestros of culinary etiquette.  There are some proven principles to improve table manners and make dinner time a more ‘peaceful’ experience.

1. Set a good example. This is no 1. on the list because its the most important.  Children learn by example. Whatever you do – they copy.
2. Sit up at the table. Kids are never going to learn good manners by eating finger food in front of the T.V, so sit up at the table.  That way you can see what they’re doing and it avoids getting tomato sauce all over the couch!  It’s also a great way to spend quality time together as a family.
3. Make sure children are correctly seated. Make sure the highchair is properly adjusted.  There’s nothing funnier than the tray falling off, spreading the food you spent hours preparing all over the carpet.  Kids in big chairs need to be at the correct height – use a cushion (or several) if necessary.
4. P’s & T’s.  Insist on saying please and thank you.  This may seem like a given but it’s really important to teach children to speak politely.  Toddlers can be taught to say ‘thankyou’ or ‘ta’ by repeating the word each time food or drink is given to them.  It won’t take long for them to understand what is expected of them.
5. Encourage the use of utensils as early as possible. It can take a while for kids to really master the art of using a fork to transit food from plate to mouth.  It’s just so much more fun for them to use their fingers!  The more you encourage correct usage of a fork early on, the easier it becomes for both of you.
6. Eat everything on the plate. Kids should be taught not to leave food uneaten on their plate.  It’s better to serve smaller helpings and have them coming back for seconds.  Be persistent in presenting new foods.  They may not like it the first time, but the 17th time you might just hear the words “actually I do really like broccoli!”
7. Take turns speaking. Sometimes the conversation becomes a mad free for all and no-one can hear what anyone else is saying.  Why not take turns at speaking so everyone gets to chip in.  A favourite at our place is the game ‘high’s and low’s’.  Everyone takes turns at telling their high (the best thing that happened that day) and then their low (the worst thing that happened that day)

The internet can be a fantastic resource for families but it can also be a minefield for the not-so-savvy. How do we keep our kids safe on the internet? Is it even possible? Yes, I believe it is, but it requires some consideration. Even the most prudent internet user will at some point stumble across something perilous.

Supervision is vital. Don’t let them have their own computer in their room. It’s your house – lay down the law! Have the computer in a family area where you can keep a close eye on what is being viewed.

Install a filtering or blocking program on your computer. Some ISP’s offer this service too. Make sure it’s activated. You may also wish to checkout some of the free kids browsers available. www.kidzui.com is a good place to start.

Teach your kids to recognize potentially dangerous sites. Help them learn to distinguish between advertisements and content.

Make sure they get your permission before disclosing any personal details such as email addresses, phone numbers, etc. If they have a Facebook page, make it private so only friends can view it. (log into your Facebook account and click on ‘Privacy’ in the top right. In the ‘Profile’ section, click on ‘Edit Settings’.)

Have a time limit for internet usage. Kids need to be involved in a broad range of activities (including ones involving physical exercise)

YouTube for kids? Even YouTube can go from nice to nasty in just a couple of clicks.  One minute your kids are watching Wonder Pets, then suddenly they’re watching the Wonder Pets get slaughtered.  No prizes for guessing which one boys enjoy the most.  A New York company have developed an original idea that allows kids to watch pre-screened YouTube clips and avoid all the rubbish.  Its called Kideoplayer and it boasts a kid friendly interface with simple controls.

When Children attack…

One of the most embarrassing situations a parent can face is when their child takes a swipe at another child.  The reaction from the child who has just been hit isn’t the worst thing – it’s the look of contempt from the other parent, as if to say “how could you let your child do that?”   It’s our job as parents to teach our kids how to engage socially with others in a positive way, but sometimes there’s no warning.  They just lash out for seemingly no reason.  This article will attempt to identify some of the reasons behind hitting and offer some practical solutions in dealing with this type of behavior.

Examining the Motive…

We must first examine the motive behind the thought that compels a child to hit,  then we are best equipped to deal with the problem.  With this in mind, we can identify three distinct groups.

1) First Timers

These children are unaware of the consequences of their actions.  Young children especially are all about exploring the world and discovering new things.  It may be that they get overexcited and strike out at the nearest object, or it may be that they become mesmerized by their playmates face and decide to hit it.  However, the idea of causing harm to another human being couldn’t be further from their mind.  The solution here begins with helping them understand which actions hurt others.

• Talk to the child — explain that their actions have hurt someone
• Have them say sorry
• Let them see the other child is upset/crying

2) Attention Seekers

You guessed it — these little troublemakers just want your undivided attention and they’ve discovered at some point in their short lives that attacking their friends is one of the best ways to make a scene.

• Don’t give them the attention they want – this only encourages the behaviour
• Place them in time out
• Sympathize with the victim.  Give them your attention and sympathy.  Overdo it!  When your child see this they will realize that their actions have the opposite effect to what they intended – the other kid gets all the attention.
• Encourage good behaviour.  Pay attention to your child when they are playing nicely.

3) Repeat offenders

The motivation that drives this group is primarily anger and frustration.  They have learned to intimidate or hurt others to get their own way.  They may they lack the skills to communicate their wishes any other way.

• Identify a situation that is developing early on.  Help your child learn to deal with a disagreement before it escalates into a punch up.
• Supervise the situation to help ensure that toys are shared fairly.
• Provide an alternative to hitting – play with someone else, use words to express yourself, and so on.  Ask your child for suggestions.

In summary,  most of us are not inherently violent and it’s a phase that passes quickly in most cases.   The important thing is to find what works for your child and be consistant. Feel free to share your experiences — what works, what doesn’t — in the comments section below.  We’d love to hear from you!

Lesson (2) bubble blowing

Welcome to the second lesson in our series ‘Toddler Swimming Lessons’.  For this lesson you will need some goggles for your child, and you will use them in each lesson from now on.

Again it’s always best if the child sees you enter the water first.

When you are both in you need to blow on your child so they can feel what you are doing get them to repeat this back to you. Next put your face under the water and blow again come up with a big smile on your face so they are reassured that you are ok (this may seem cheesy but trust me it works they need to know you survived)

Tell them that its their turn don’t push them under let them do it in there own time this is where you need to be patient  keep showing them and reassuring them that this is fun. this can also be practiced in the bath tub at home. When they do it give them lots of praise and smiles.

Game- do the wheels on the bus song

wheels go around – splash hands around in water

wipers go swish – splashing again like wipers

the mums on the bus go –go under and blow bubbles

driver on the bus says please sit down – wave finger in the air

you can make up your own ones for where you think your child is at.

Blowing bubbles is a great skill so well done to you both for getting this far.

Welcome to the first lesson in our series ‘Toddler Swimming Lessons’.  When you decide to teach your child to swim, it can be a very rewarding process.  It can also be frustrating if things don’t go to plan, so it’s important that you don’t overdo it.  Be patient, keep it fun and relaxed and allow plenty of time for your child to just play in the water.  If you are using an outdoor pool don’t forget the sunscreen.

Lesson (1) Safety around the water (teach your child to swim)

Children need to have clear boundaries around water to keep them safe.  I suggest the following guidelines to start with.  (you may have some more to add)

1. They must never get in the pool when you are not there.
2. Make clear boundaries of where they can and can’t swim (most pools have lines in the bottom for this reason)
3. Tell them you will never force them to do anything that they don’t want to do.

Now is a great time to explain to your child that you will be teaching them to swim.  Also explain to others that may be using the pool that you are here to teach your child to swim.  Be enthusiastic and make sure that swimming lessons for kids are fun.

Once you have covered the rules, hop in the pool, smile, be confident and demonstrate the boundaries within the pool where you will be practising.  Then ask your child get it.  Depending on the child,  some will jump in with leaps and bounds while others look at the water and scream like its going to eat them up.  When they are in, get them to show you what they can do.  This will help you to evaluate each child. Tell them how proud of them you are and give them lots of big smiles and thumbs ups.  Spend the rest of this lesson getting your toddler accustomed to the water and helping them remember the guidelines you have set.  Remember, it’s really important that you get them relaxed  and comfortable in the first lesson.  This is the foundation of  building the trust necessary to teach your child to swim.

Game

• Play ‘tag’ inside the boundaries that you have established

The next step to teach your child to swim is lesson 2.